Part 1: Thoughts

I wrote this blog some time ago. I am not for sure on the actual date, but by judging by the content I am going to guess Feb. 5, 2008. I did not post the blog after I wrote it because I didn't like it. It wasn't sounding the way I wished, and it would take some major revision to make it sound decent. I was in the middle of writing a new blog (which coincidentally was not coming together well either) when I decided to go back and read this old one. I made some necessary revisions and decided to post it now. It is interesting to me that I am still thinking about these issues a lot, even more now than I was when I wrote this blog. I am going to write another blog soon that will touch on these issues that I wrote about back in February and how my perspective has changed since then.

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My parents and close friends often ask me how my brain works. Especially my mom is interested in how my mind jumps for topic to topic. It is in the networking I think. But my thought are fluid to me. So for everyone who is interested, I am going to write in the transitions from topic to topic in this blog.

First I must say that I am living the life right now. I mean I go to class which is sometimes not fun, but honestly, it usually is. And then I work about 12 hours a week at Brookcreek which is usually quite exciting. I do homework, I talk to my friends, I go places with my friends, I go out. I call my mom and sometimes my brother. My dad has phone phobia, but sometimes I talk to him to. Then I go to coffee with Leah, I go to Jess's, my roommates are hilarious. I go to the gym some, I watch E News, I write. Simple pleasures in life. Seriously.

[Transition: I love my life. I always want to love my life. I want my life to be enjoyable forever. But last night I was reminded that I am not going to live forever.]

As a 19 year old, I never think about dying. I drive all over creation and the thought of being in an accident and dying never crosses my mind. Or contracting a disease, I would never. I assume that I am invincible. I am taking this class called Adult Development and Aging. It is one of those independent study classes where I work at my own pace and mail assignments in as I have then finished. So far I have stayed on schedule to finish the three weeks before finals...beautiful. Anyway, last night I read a chapter on diseases that affect over 70% of the older adult population. Diseases like heart disease, cancer and diabetes. Things I would rather never have. I feel like that would put a damper on my lovely life. However, I know that I am currently living an eternal life that is ultimately not affected by earthly calamities but I would rather avoid them if possible. I guess I was just reminded that I am not as in control of life as I tend to live like I do.

[Transition: So I was thinking about life and then I remembered that I had written down a thought that I had thought during church on Sunday. Now I previously blogged about church on Sunday and did not mention this thought I had simply because it was not related. I was trying to make the blog easier to follow. As you can tell by this post, I have thrown that idea to the wind. So back to the thought that I thought during church. I randomly thought of it and wrote it down because I knew I would forget it if I did not. Then today I was thinking about life and realized that this pervious thought would try in nicely.]

The thought is: "Having your faith figured out is the most deadly thing for your faith. Faith figured out is not faith at all." In high school I would get frustrated that I didn't understand everything about the Christian faith. I went through a time when I was ready to "peace out" on the whole faith thing. I was more focused on figuring out the doctrine of faith rather than the person of Jesus that my faith is placed in.

Then I moved to KU. Last year was the first time that I had to claim my faith as my own. It became real. Jesus became real. I was not believing in some random idea or doctrine, I was putting my faith in the person of Christ. He offers me the best story for my life. My fear is that I will become ok with my current faith and not see the necessity of a constantly growing faith. I have seen people who have their faith figured out and I don't think Jesus would agree with them that they do.

Faith is trusting in someone who I will never fully understand and being ok with that.