I am still living the life now, but it has been a little different since Spring break. I resigned from my job at Brookcreek before Spring break and since then I have had a lot of free time on my hands. At first I really enjoyed this extra time, but as the semester has gone on I have been getting restless. God has blessed me with this time in my life to learn to slow down. I have taken a sick sort of pride in the way that I was overly busy, over committed and somehow able to maintain some sort of sanity. “I needed to kill super-Kayla.” God gave me this time in my life to learn to take a chill pill, to calm down enough to be able to understand what is going inside me, and to truly care about what is going on inside of others. So it has been hard in a strange way, but good to be able to have this season of rest before I hit the craziness of summer.
In my previous blog I said that I rarely think about dying. Well, I would say that this has changed quite a bit since February. Good friends of our family were in a bad car accident over spring break. I was able to see them the week after the accident---it was so hard to see them like that. Then the night that KU won the national championship, we were nearly hit by a car on Tennessee St. If Jess or I had been driving instead of Micah, we would have been hit. Micah hit the gas and flew out of the way, I would have hit the breaks, and that would have been really bad. Since then I have been thinking a lot about accidents, I have tried to be more careful while driving and more aware of the possibility of something bad happening. I guess that this is a natural reaction to a situation like this. Sometimes when I am driving I think that I am going to hear a crunch…unsettling.
And about faith, God is good at what He does. He has a plan and sometime he chooses to allow us to see a little glimpse of it, and that is a fabulous blessing. I just finished rereading Sex God by Rob Bell. He is so articulate about humanity and spirituality and life. You know that feeling you sometimes get. That feeling of excitedness, almost giddiness. The feeling when you are reminded how awesome and sovereign and intricate and, well, amazing God really is…
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Part 1: Thoughts
I wrote this blog some time ago. I am not for sure on the actual date, but by judging by the content I am going to guess Feb. 5, 2008. I did not post the blog after I wrote it because I didn't like it. It wasn't sounding the way I wished, and it would take some major revision to make it sound decent. I was in the middle of writing a new blog (which coincidentally was not coming together well either) when I decided to go back and read this old one. I made some necessary revisions and decided to post it now. It is interesting to me that I am still thinking about these issues a lot, even more now than I was when I wrote this blog. I am going to write another blog soon that will touch on these issues that I wrote about back in February and how my perspective has changed since then.
***
My parents and close friends often ask me how my brain works. Especially my mom is interested in how my mind jumps for topic to topic. It is in the networking I think. But my thought are fluid to me. So for everyone who is interested, I am going to write in the transitions from topic to topic in this blog.
First I must say that I am living the life right now. I mean I go to class which is sometimes not fun, but honestly, it usually is. And then I work about 12 hours a week at Brookcreek which is usually quite exciting. I do homework, I talk to my friends, I go places with my friends, I go out. I call my mom and sometimes my brother. My dad has phone phobia, but sometimes I talk to him to. Then I go to coffee with Leah, I go to Jess's, my roommates are hilarious. I go to the gym some, I watch E News, I write. Simple pleasures in life. Seriously.
[Transition: I love my life. I always want to love my life. I want my life to be enjoyable forever. But last night I was reminded that I am not going to live forever.]
As a 19 year old, I never think about dying. I drive all over creation and the thought of being in an accident and dying never crosses my mind. Or contracting a disease, I would never. I assume that I am invincible. I am taking this class called Adult Development and Aging. It is one of those independent study classes where I work at my own pace and mail assignments in as I have then finished. So far I have stayed on schedule to finish the three weeks before finals...beautiful. Anyway, last night I read a chapter on diseases that affect over 70% of the older adult population. Diseases like heart disease, cancer and diabetes. Things I would rather never have. I feel like that would put a damper on my lovely life. However, I know that I am currently living an eternal life that is ultimately not affected by earthly calamities but I would rather avoid them if possible. I guess I was just reminded that I am not as in control of life as I tend to live like I do.
[Transition: So I was thinking about life and then I remembered that I had written down a thought that I had thought during church on Sunday. Now I previously blogged about church on Sunday and did not mention this thought I had simply because it was not related. I was trying to make the blog easier to follow. As you can tell by this post, I have thrown that idea to the wind. So back to the thought that I thought during church. I randomly thought of it and wrote it down because I knew I would forget it if I did not. Then today I was thinking about life and realized that this pervious thought would try in nicely.]
The thought is: "Having your faith figured out is the most deadly thing for your faith. Faith figured out is not faith at all." In high school I would get frustrated that I didn't understand everything about the Christian faith. I went through a time when I was ready to "peace out" on the whole faith thing. I was more focused on figuring out the doctrine of faith rather than the person of Jesus that my faith is placed in.
Then I moved to KU. Last year was the first time that I had to claim my faith as my own. It became real. Jesus became real. I was not believing in some random idea or doctrine, I was putting my faith in the person of Christ. He offers me the best story for my life. My fear is that I will become ok with my current faith and not see the necessity of a constantly growing faith. I have seen people who have their faith figured out and I don't think Jesus would agree with them that they do.
Faith is trusting in someone who I will never fully understand and being ok with that.
***
My parents and close friends often ask me how my brain works. Especially my mom is interested in how my mind jumps for topic to topic. It is in the networking I think. But my thought are fluid to me. So for everyone who is interested, I am going to write in the transitions from topic to topic in this blog.
First I must say that I am living the life right now. I mean I go to class which is sometimes not fun, but honestly, it usually is. And then I work about 12 hours a week at Brookcreek which is usually quite exciting. I do homework, I talk to my friends, I go places with my friends, I go out. I call my mom and sometimes my brother. My dad has phone phobia, but sometimes I talk to him to. Then I go to coffee with Leah, I go to Jess's, my roommates are hilarious. I go to the gym some, I watch E News, I write. Simple pleasures in life. Seriously.
[Transition: I love my life. I always want to love my life. I want my life to be enjoyable forever. But last night I was reminded that I am not going to live forever.]
As a 19 year old, I never think about dying. I drive all over creation and the thought of being in an accident and dying never crosses my mind. Or contracting a disease, I would never. I assume that I am invincible. I am taking this class called Adult Development and Aging. It is one of those independent study classes where I work at my own pace and mail assignments in as I have then finished. So far I have stayed on schedule to finish the three weeks before finals...beautiful. Anyway, last night I read a chapter on diseases that affect over 70% of the older adult population. Diseases like heart disease, cancer and diabetes. Things I would rather never have. I feel like that would put a damper on my lovely life. However, I know that I am currently living an eternal life that is ultimately not affected by earthly calamities but I would rather avoid them if possible. I guess I was just reminded that I am not as in control of life as I tend to live like I do.
[Transition: So I was thinking about life and then I remembered that I had written down a thought that I had thought during church on Sunday. Now I previously blogged about church on Sunday and did not mention this thought I had simply because it was not related. I was trying to make the blog easier to follow. As you can tell by this post, I have thrown that idea to the wind. So back to the thought that I thought during church. I randomly thought of it and wrote it down because I knew I would forget it if I did not. Then today I was thinking about life and realized that this pervious thought would try in nicely.]
The thought is: "Having your faith figured out is the most deadly thing for your faith. Faith figured out is not faith at all." In high school I would get frustrated that I didn't understand everything about the Christian faith. I went through a time when I was ready to "peace out" on the whole faith thing. I was more focused on figuring out the doctrine of faith rather than the person of Jesus that my faith is placed in.
Then I moved to KU. Last year was the first time that I had to claim my faith as my own. It became real. Jesus became real. I was not believing in some random idea or doctrine, I was putting my faith in the person of Christ. He offers me the best story for my life. My fear is that I will become ok with my current faith and not see the necessity of a constantly growing faith. I have seen people who have their faith figured out and I don't think Jesus would agree with them that they do.
Faith is trusting in someone who I will never fully understand and being ok with that.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
The Relationship Hypothesis
If you haven't written a lab report before, first of all consider yourself a lucky person. Science is terrific, but scientific writing is not favorite style of writing and not what I would call entertainment. Second of all, this blog may need a little explanation before you read. A lab report should consist of five sections. Each section must contain certain information and only that specific information. The Introduction should inform the scientific community about the nature of the study and an overview of what your will be talking about throughout the report. The Methods and Material section should include the ways in which the data was collected. The Results should state the information collected. This is not a place to include opinion of any kind---only the facts. The Discussion section gives the writer a little more freedom to express opinions and observations about the data. And finally, the report must include the Sources that the data was collected from and any other outside sources used in the experiment or the writing of the report. You should also know that scientific writing comes from a community of scientist and should not include things such as “I observed” or “Then he did this.” It should always be written from the lab's or community's point of view.
I spend a lot of time writing lab reports for my classes. My goal in writing this was to prove to myself that writing a lab report isn’t inherently evil and can be just as enjoyable as writing a blog. I did enjoy writing it, but I don’t think that I totally convinced myself scientific writing is fun. We will see when sit down to write the Statistical Analysis of the Kidney Functioning for Physiology lab. But I do hope you enjoy reading an unscientific, scientific report as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Introduction: The lab observed a series of events pertaining to the interpersonal relationships within a uncontrolled environment. There are many variables that were observed and recorded. The hypothesis is as follows: Every good relationship must have a good break-up. The lab tested this hypothesis by observing a series of male/female relationships that spontaneously developed. We were unable to clearly define the independent and dependent variables so the results are only correlation case studies, but with more extensive research, we hope to be able to extend the validity and thus present a theory in the future.
*Names have been changed. However, notice the nice alliteration, haha. I thought it was a nice touch.
Methods and Materials: To begin testing our hypothesis we examined the relationship between a girl named Jill* and a boy named Joe. We observed this relationship over the past two years through lending a supporting ear, late at night to Jill and being friends with both parties. The second relationship analyzed was the relationship between Tara and Tim. Tara shared the details of this relationship with the observer due to their close friendship and sharing of living space. The third relationship observed was between Anna and Alex. This was observed through Facebook and second hand sources. The fourth relationship was between Becca and Brad. The relationship status was recorded through late-night crisis phone calls to the observer. Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal’s relationship was analyzed through US Weekly and E News. And finally, the relationship between Jada and Josh was relayed through a secondary observer.
Results: Jill and Joe were in a serious happy relationship for nearly three years after which the relationship “went on a break” for an undetermined amount of time. At the time of this publishing the “relationship vacation” was still in action.
Tara and Tim dated for 4 months and then underwent a difficult breakup due to differing personalities. However, three months after the breakup, talking between the two parties began as well as friendly hanging out.
Anna and Alex dated for several years while in high school. After one year of higher education, they decided to take a break to figure out if they were going to get serious. They got back into a relationship soon after the break.
Becca and Brad were just “friend” for three months. For the next nine months they were truly just friends. After this period of friendness, they began a semi-serious relationship which has lasted nearly 9 months and going strong.
Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal dated for 1.2 years and then broke up for the month of September. During this month, Reese dated James Blunt. After this short relationship, Reese and Jake got back together and are currently dating.
Jada and Josh dated for all four years of high school. They broke up for a year after both went to college. However, after this first year they got back together, dated for three years and are now engaged to be married.
Discussion: In all these relationships, barring Jill and Joe, the relationship was ended and then restarted after some time had passed. It is hard for us to infer any facts or generalizations about relationships from this data, but the evidence suggests that a break in the relationship may actually be beneficial and allow the relationship to progress healthier than it was previously headed. Our hypothesis in this small, hand-picked sample size was proven true. But it would be impossible to test this hypothesis on every relationship, and because the sample size was small and not statistically sound, the data set is not representative of the general public. However, even though the findings are not scientifically significant, the relationships and the data collected from the relationships are significant in the lives of the subjects.
Sources:
Friends. Dear to Me and Close to My Heart. Lawrence to KC to Hesston to Wichita to Umhmm. 2008.
Heartache. From the Book: Part of Relationships We Would Rather Not Talk About. Everywhere, Earth. The Fall-Present.
Love. Gift from God. God’s Heart. Before we were even thought of-Present-Forever.
Real Life. Stuff that Happens When You are Making Plans. Everywhere, Earth. 1988-Present.
I spend a lot of time writing lab reports for my classes. My goal in writing this was to prove to myself that writing a lab report isn’t inherently evil and can be just as enjoyable as writing a blog. I did enjoy writing it, but I don’t think that I totally convinced myself scientific writing is fun. We will see when sit down to write the Statistical Analysis of the Kidney Functioning for Physiology lab. But I do hope you enjoy reading an unscientific, scientific report as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Introduction: The lab observed a series of events pertaining to the interpersonal relationships within a uncontrolled environment. There are many variables that were observed and recorded. The hypothesis is as follows: Every good relationship must have a good break-up. The lab tested this hypothesis by observing a series of male/female relationships that spontaneously developed. We were unable to clearly define the independent and dependent variables so the results are only correlation case studies, but with more extensive research, we hope to be able to extend the validity and thus present a theory in the future.
*Names have been changed. However, notice the nice alliteration, haha. I thought it was a nice touch.
Methods and Materials: To begin testing our hypothesis we examined the relationship between a girl named Jill* and a boy named Joe. We observed this relationship over the past two years through lending a supporting ear, late at night to Jill and being friends with both parties. The second relationship analyzed was the relationship between Tara and Tim. Tara shared the details of this relationship with the observer due to their close friendship and sharing of living space. The third relationship observed was between Anna and Alex. This was observed through Facebook and second hand sources. The fourth relationship was between Becca and Brad. The relationship status was recorded through late-night crisis phone calls to the observer. Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal’s relationship was analyzed through US Weekly and E News. And finally, the relationship between Jada and Josh was relayed through a secondary observer.
Results: Jill and Joe were in a serious happy relationship for nearly three years after which the relationship “went on a break” for an undetermined amount of time. At the time of this publishing the “relationship vacation” was still in action.
Tara and Tim dated for 4 months and then underwent a difficult breakup due to differing personalities. However, three months after the breakup, talking between the two parties began as well as friendly hanging out.
Anna and Alex dated for several years while in high school. After one year of higher education, they decided to take a break to figure out if they were going to get serious. They got back into a relationship soon after the break.
Becca and Brad were just “friend” for three months. For the next nine months they were truly just friends. After this period of friendness, they began a semi-serious relationship which has lasted nearly 9 months and going strong.
Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal dated for 1.2 years and then broke up for the month of September. During this month, Reese dated James Blunt. After this short relationship, Reese and Jake got back together and are currently dating.
Jada and Josh dated for all four years of high school. They broke up for a year after both went to college. However, after this first year they got back together, dated for three years and are now engaged to be married.
Discussion: In all these relationships, barring Jill and Joe, the relationship was ended and then restarted after some time had passed. It is hard for us to infer any facts or generalizations about relationships from this data, but the evidence suggests that a break in the relationship may actually be beneficial and allow the relationship to progress healthier than it was previously headed. Our hypothesis in this small, hand-picked sample size was proven true. But it would be impossible to test this hypothesis on every relationship, and because the sample size was small and not statistically sound, the data set is not representative of the general public. However, even though the findings are not scientifically significant, the relationships and the data collected from the relationships are significant in the lives of the subjects.
Sources:
Friends. Dear to Me and Close to My Heart. Lawrence to KC to Hesston to Wichita to Umhmm. 2008.
Heartache. From the Book: Part of Relationships We Would Rather Not Talk About. Everywhere, Earth. The Fall-Present.
Love. Gift from God. God’s Heart. Before we were even thought of-Present-Forever.
Real Life. Stuff that Happens When You are Making Plans. Everywhere, Earth. 1988-Present.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
We are the Champions!
I am so proud to be a Jayhawk. I am proud of this everyday but today it was even sweeter. I watched the game last night at the Fieldhouse and it felt like it was a live game even though it was a little like chanting D-fence and screaming at a movie...haha. We were in San Antonio in spirit. After the game we went to Mass Street along with 40,000 other happy Jayhawks. It was an incredible night.
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***
Then we didn't have school today because of winning the game. It was a Sabbath for me. In the book Velvet Elvis, Rob Bell explains it this way, "Sabbath is the day that I remind myself that I did not make the world and that it will continue to exist without my efforts.
Sabbath is the day when my work is done, even if it is not.
Sabbath is the day when my job is to enjoy. Period.
Sabbath is the day when I am fully available to myself and to those I love most.
Sabbath is the day when I remember that when God made the world, he saw that it was good.
Sabbath is the day when I produce nothing.
Sabbath is the day when I remind myself that I am not a machine.
Sabbath is the day when at the end I say 'I didn't do anything today' and don't add 'and I feel so guilty'."
God gave the Sabbath to his people as a gift of rest and to help them remember that he gives them life and that he desires for them to enjoy it and live it to the full.
God gave me a Sabbath today by way of Chancellor Hemmingway. It was wonderful. I slept in. I went to the Welcome home party for the players. I spent quality time with my roommate. I talked to my mom and dad and a friend on the phone. I looked at pictures. I wrote a blog. I celebrated.
It doesn't get much better than Jayhawk basketball and a Sabbath.
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That. Just. Happened. We are the National Champions!
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Craziness on Mass St. We are happy.
***
Then we didn't have school today because of winning the game. It was a Sabbath for me. In the book Velvet Elvis, Rob Bell explains it this way, "Sabbath is the day that I remind myself that I did not make the world and that it will continue to exist without my efforts.
Sabbath is the day when my work is done, even if it is not.
Sabbath is the day when my job is to enjoy. Period.
Sabbath is the day when I am fully available to myself and to those I love most.
Sabbath is the day when I remember that when God made the world, he saw that it was good.
Sabbath is the day when I produce nothing.
Sabbath is the day when I remind myself that I am not a machine.
Sabbath is the day when at the end I say 'I didn't do anything today' and don't add 'and I feel so guilty'."
God gave the Sabbath to his people as a gift of rest and to help them remember that he gives them life and that he desires for them to enjoy it and live it to the full.
God gave me a Sabbath today by way of Chancellor Hemmingway. It was wonderful. I slept in. I went to the Welcome home party for the players. I spent quality time with my roommate. I talked to my mom and dad and a friend on the phone. I looked at pictures. I wrote a blog. I celebrated.
It doesn't get much better than Jayhawk basketball and a Sabbath.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Vowels minus O
To fill you in on recent happenings I thought I would use the vowels of the English alphabet.
A is for Arizona. I went to Arizona over spring break. It was fun, hilarious, heartbreaking, exciting, reality checking (I am making that a verb for this. I can do that if I want to.), and wonderful. I am in the middle of writing a blog about it. Hopefully I can post it soon.
E is for exercise. Black yoga pants + black fleece + black oversized sunglasses + Flirt Alert nail polish= me getting aerobic exercise. I think it must be a hilarious and stereotypical sight to see. I have been walking instead of running lately. It is less painful on the hips and knees. I am not sure why that is really, because you take the same amount of steps either way. But maybe the speed has something to do with it. My goal is to work up my muscles around my joints so I can be running again by summer. That’s a good goal, right?
I is for Iron Man. I went to an event last night called Afterdark. The owner of Kanukuk camps, Joe White, travels to college campuses with Braddigan and presents the gospel in a unique way. It is an event that all the campus ministries hosted together. I hope that many lives were touched through last night and that it will affect our campus. During his presentation he showed a media clip of the dad who competed in the Iron Man Triathlon pushing his son that has cerebral palsy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPLCaAu_H2U&feature=related if you would like to see it. I have seen it about 5 times and cry every time. Such a beautiful picture of what Christ does for me (us).
O is for, well i don't have anything for O. But my parents and I traveled to Louisville, Kentucky last weekend to visit good friends who were in a car accident over spring break. It was awful circumstances for sure, but God is making all things new. Hannah, who is in sixth grade, and I went to see Horton Hears a Who on Friday to pass some time and get out of the hospital. It was really cute. But what was even cuter was watching Hannah text everyone she knew in my phone book. “Kayla, can I text Aubrey?” “Sure, what are you going to say?” “Hey.” And literally she would text: Hey. from Hannah. Haha, I am sure a ton of people had no idea what was going on. We also entertained ourselves for a while with sticky tack as you can see from the picture. And one other thing, that girl can eat bagels like no one else…oh my word!
U is for Ultimate. I played my first game of Ultimate Frisbee on Monday. I never touched the Frisbee but Christy told me a did fab job of marking the girl. To share some of my new Frisbee knowledge with you, marking equals defending. We play again next Monday and maybe I will touch the Frisbee then.
I would like to leave you with a quote from Joe White: “Girls, it is your job to be spoiled.”
A is for Arizona. I went to Arizona over spring break. It was fun, hilarious, heartbreaking, exciting, reality checking (I am making that a verb for this. I can do that if I want to.), and wonderful. I am in the middle of writing a blog about it. Hopefully I can post it soon.
E is for exercise. Black yoga pants + black fleece + black oversized sunglasses + Flirt Alert nail polish= me getting aerobic exercise. I think it must be a hilarious and stereotypical sight to see. I have been walking instead of running lately. It is less painful on the hips and knees. I am not sure why that is really, because you take the same amount of steps either way. But maybe the speed has something to do with it. My goal is to work up my muscles around my joints so I can be running again by summer. That’s a good goal, right?
I is for Iron Man. I went to an event last night called Afterdark. The owner of Kanukuk camps, Joe White, travels to college campuses with Braddigan and presents the gospel in a unique way. It is an event that all the campus ministries hosted together. I hope that many lives were touched through last night and that it will affect our campus. During his presentation he showed a media clip of the dad who competed in the Iron Man Triathlon pushing his son that has cerebral palsy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPLCaAu_H2U&feature=related if you would like to see it. I have seen it about 5 times and cry every time. Such a beautiful picture of what Christ does for me (us).
O is for, well i don't have anything for O. But my parents and I traveled to Louisville, Kentucky last weekend to visit good friends who were in a car accident over spring break. It was awful circumstances for sure, but God is making all things new. Hannah, who is in sixth grade, and I went to see Horton Hears a Who on Friday to pass some time and get out of the hospital. It was really cute. But what was even cuter was watching Hannah text everyone she knew in my phone book. “Kayla, can I text Aubrey?” “Sure, what are you going to say?” “Hey.” And literally she would text: Hey. from Hannah. Haha, I am sure a ton of people had no idea what was going on. We also entertained ourselves for a while with sticky tack as you can see from the picture. And one other thing, that girl can eat bagels like no one else…oh my word!
U is for Ultimate. I played my first game of Ultimate Frisbee on Monday. I never touched the Frisbee but Christy told me a did fab job of marking the girl. To share some of my new Frisbee knowledge with you, marking equals defending. We play again next Monday and maybe I will touch the Frisbee then.
I would like to leave you with a quote from Joe White: “Girls, it is your job to be spoiled.”
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